Naming your cat after an evil genius does not a genius make.

Before I moved to Guelph I had two cats: Fluff and Charlie. After I got Tristan, Fluff and Charlie came to Guelph with me as well. Fluff was already a curmudgeon, but Charlie and Tristan got along best kind. When Charlie passed on (a story for another time, perhaps), Tristan was still a young, playful, kittenish thing who wanted a playmate. He tried to convince Fluff they could be friends. Fluff kicked his ass. Seriously. More than once I felt like I was watching The Matrix fight scenes being re-enacted in my room by cats. I swear to goodness Fluff once THREW Tristan across the room.

So I decided the solution to maintain everyone’s sanity was a kitten.

Off to the Guelph Humane Society I go, and there’s a cage with 3 fluff balls of orange fire. Two are sleeping, one is smooshing his face against the bars with his paws reaching out to say “LOOOOOOVE MEEEEE!”. I was sold. I went to find a staff member, and when we came back to the cat room some other hussy was holding MY would-be-kitten, but I didn’t let that stop me. Staff member removed kitten from the latest victims of his charms and he came home with me.

I named him Stewie because I very much enjoy Family Guy and Stewie kills me. So, of course, Stewie has grown up to be fairly evil at times… and really, really dumb.  He did effectively distract Tristan from tormenting Fluff… and somehow wormed his way into Fluff’s heart as well. Fluff will let Stewie sleep curled up next to him and TOUCHING. Unheard of.  (Fluff and Charlie lived together for about 10 years and Fluff never let Charlie touch him without a smackdown.)

Stewie has been ever entertaining. As a kitten, he killed me daily. As a huge beast of a fluff ball, he still kills me daily. He sleeps in the weirdest spots and/or the weirdest positions. He raises the bar on catnip crazy. He is an arse if you’re trying to get him to do something he hasn’t agreed to, as most gingers are. And if a cupboard has been opened, no matter how briefly and no matter how high, you should probably check for him before you close it. Trust.

Nothing about this ever seemed comfortable, but he slept in that crate regularly.

He hates being brushed, so he’s of course prone to kitty dreadlocks. (Fluff, on the other hand, lives for being brushed… and never gets matts  in his fur no matter how lazy I get about brushing him.) The kitty litter is his security blanket. If we’re in a new place, as soon as I put down a litter box and fill it he gets in it and rolls around and becomes one with it. He also likes to get in boxes of all sorts and sizes. He used to get on top of the fridge and squish himself in empty Clementine boxes. And I do mean squish, my baby is not small.

Hotel bathroom after arriving in Newfoundland. Stewie was COVERED in (clean) litter. I’m happy to report he stops rolling in it once it’s been used.

Highlight of his lack of genius? One day I’m sitting at my desk. There’s a lit candle on my coffee table. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a sudden brightness. I turn, and there’s Stewie, sitting there all nonchalant, HIS TAIL ENGULFED IN FLAME. I screamed, he jumped off the table and the fire went out. Thankfully his tail is so obscenely fluffy his flesh was undamaged… but my apartment reeked of burnt hair for days, and his tail was decidedly unfluffy for awhile. Not dumb enough for you? Well, I also can’t have jar candles in my house. Stewie will stick his face down into the jar, while the candle is lit, and burn off his whiskers. He’s done this more than once. Apparently he missed the “afraid of fire” memo from his ancestors.

Just soaking up some sun on his fluffy fluffy belly! I can’t resist him when he sleeps like this… BELLY RUUUUUBBBSSSSSS!

Of course, I love my orange love bug. I have a soft spot for orange tabbies of all sorts… I’m a sucker for a ginger 😉 If they’re goofy and ridiculous, that’s just a bonus!

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About dottiemaggie

A veterinarian living and working in St John's, Newfoundland. I love my job, and I love my home. Professionally I am passionate about critical care and client education. Away from work I am passionate about enjoying life, spending time with friends, enjoying hobbies of all sorts, and exploring this wonderful province I call home.
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13 Responses to Naming your cat after an evil genius does not a genius make.

  1. JaniceP says:

    That last picture made me laugh out loud. Love it!

    My kitty Winter got too close to the first candle I ever burned around him. His whiskers caught on fire, and I’ve never had the nerve to burn anything around him since.

  2. patti says:

    OOoohh his belly is irresistible.
    (We have one named James A Garfield, and he really is an evil genius.)

  3. weaselgal says:

    My cat was named D’Artagnan and he was neither bold or daring. He was a big fraidy cat. He had some weird sleeping habits, such as me finding him sleeping in my bathroom sink one time. The best was when I found him curled up in the mop wringer. No joke. He was afraid of hats and hated, just hated with a passion, this alpaca wool sweater my sister had. He would attack it if she wore it. Dart also tried to fight with a praying mantis and lost when it pinched his nose. This cat also was petrified of our geriatric, arthritic toy poodle, who was 12 year old when we got the cat. She would beat the stuffing out of Dart, who was easily twice her size.
    Your stories of Stewie are hilarious, what a funny fellow. It’s good he keeps things lively in your life!

  4. frigginloon says:

    I have a red point Siamese, evil in fur. He isn’t the brightest tool in the shed and I suspect he is slightly autistic. He thinks the clothes pegs hanging on the line are birds and will spend all day stalking them 😦

    • dottiemaggie says:

      bahaha, Siamese are classic for that kind of insanity ;D They are hilarious, especially when they’re cross eyed. But too chatty for me.. my senile old man is chatty enough, with his middle of the night caterwauling…

  5. linlah says:

    I want to lay in the sunshine like that, what a luxury. Lucky cat.

    • dottiemaggie says:

      I KNOW. If only my biggest concern of the day was where the next sunbeam was coming from…. (and when there’s no more sun, he lays in bizarre positions on his cat tree. HARD LIFE.)

  6. Candice says:

    Soooo cute. P.S. You officially have more fans than me.

  7. Kate says:

    I love these pictures! I’m more a dog person, but I allow our cat to live with us.

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